I’m sitting outside allowing the backyard to babysit my kids as I type this, knowing I have 0.02 seconds before my time will be up - and when I say time, don’t think that means like alone time, that merely means as in a few moments to use both hands. The not-even-inflatable-but-just-plastic-sides pool I just bought from Walgreens for $4.99 is serving as a mini laboratory for survival of the fittest. I’m betting on the two year old. She is singing, with fervor, Let It Go in a party dress, after all.
And, P.S., whoever does the pictures in the “instructions” on the box of those janky ass pools needs a lesson in reality. No, I will not wear a white bikini with a serene disposition while trying to “lay the sides flat and upright” while my toddler gently (?) helps. Instead I am laying my fully clothed body inside the pool to hold all the bendy sides up while my wee one uses the hose to “wash your dur-teeeee head, momma” and the elder has an existential crisis about “no, mom, what will happen if this pool does not work?”
Ok, t i m e is now almost up. On it.
I have one thing to say on this here Tuesday o’ Truth. I spent the weekend getting involved with some Spring Cleaning. I say “getting involved” in Spring cleaning because the impetus was not my own, but rather the not-so-gentle push into the get-your-shizzle-together deepend from a close comrade.
And after the sweat and the dust and the 35 contractor trash bags, my entire house shifted. Opened up. Nothing even looked that different. It was the feeling that mattered. More mine. More healthy.
Beyond that, though - true confession time - I have been waiting on something in order to get my house feeling healthy and open and mine: Solvency. Ok, let’s just say it: Money, honey. And I don’t want anything fancy. It’s not like I’m waiting to buy that Picasso from that exclusive auction. I’m talking, like, a couch. (side note: do not feel bad for me, I have an awesomely full life). And after this weekend, I realized that waiting on the right time, whether it hinges on dollar bills or something else, is actually completely unnecessary. More than that, though, it’s got it’s major limitations. Why? Because the perfect time will never happen.
And - get ready for it - you probably have everything you need to start feeling healthy, open, and more authentically you right this second. And if you don’t, then you at least have the start of everything. You at least have enough to jump into the journey because you are here reading this. For that reason you are privileged. That’s a fact we can’t ignore.
I know that the word Privilege can feel like the strict grandmother of Gratitude when you’re facing big hurdles in life. You may not want to see that that strict grandmother is actually just incredible intuition, patience, and wisdom earned through the grace of a long maternal journey. But, if you can shed the sorrows and the hurdles of your situation for a moment, you can then vanish into a macrocosmic view of your life as being, yes, privileged. It’s like standing in front of a huge massive mountain after driving for hours on a long desert road. You will feel perfectly small, but perfectly present, and appropriately important in the scope of what matters in this absurd existence.
When you experience this presence of your privilege, you can accept what you have. And with that comes resourcefulness. You ask, what can I do with what I have? How can I make the best of my situation?
And, then, you do. You do what you can do. You do more than you think you could do.
There’s no right time to start anything. Research shows that happiness is relative based on your perspective (as long as you have the most basic needs of survival met). If this is true, then what can you do today that requires nothing more than what you already have right in front of you?
If you are like me, you’ll spray paint old furniture, doodle over old artwork to make new artwork, throw away junk that is no longer yours, rearrange your room, clean the windows, and learn to know which is a Phillips screwdriver. At no cost other than the effort.
If you are waiting to feel strong or well or better or more healthy, why? I promise you can do something for your wellbeing right this very second that requires zero money, zero extra resources, zero outside help, zero dramatic change, zero light bulbs, zero fancy Picassos, zero retreats to Bali, zero zero zero zero zero. 100% proactive momentum rooted in the embrace of your own privilege.
Ok, for the record, during the writing of this post, I taught my eldest how to build a teepee out of sticks and that trying to light matches around spray paint cans was a bad idear while the wee one taught me that Pull-Ups are not equivalent to swim diapers.