You are a human being. And you are conditional. And everything around you is conditional. Your job, your health, your happiness, your bank account, your friendships, your house, your dirty clothes, your self-esteem. There are conditions, don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. It’s time we face that music and stop skirting around the issue. It’s also time we all stop waiting for rock bottom in order to accept the reality of those conditions. And, every single person in this world WILL hit a rock bottom at one point. It’s a vulnerability of being human and a brutal gift that will pummel you and humble you. I don’t know what your bottom will look like. I don’t if it will be public or secret. Tragic or trite. Surmountable or destructive. But, I do know it will be.
If you are ignoring your health, then you’ll eventually get sick. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. If you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, then you will get tar (or worse) in your lungs. If you yell at your child every single morning because of your own lateness, then she will learn to hate mornings. If you eat twinkies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then you will get fat or insulin resistant. If you ignore that pain in your knee, then you will eventually be immobile in that joint. If you take your best friend for granted, then she will probably leave you. If you show up late to work every day, then you will get fired. If you don’t work on your core, then your belly won’t get fixed. Etc etc etc. As Carl Jung said, “What you resist, persists.” This is the purest definition of the truest truth that life and most everything and everyone in it is conditional.
Because we are human, though, we think there’s some sort of holding spell on the if and then. We stop time with a big “when” and a whole lot of “fuck its.” We claim, with bold entitlement, a stake on invincibility. We wipe our brow with relief when we slide by with just a warning or a whisper and not a rock bottom. We decide that we’d rather not worry and we’d rather be free range self-abusers. C’est la vie, we exclaim.
Now, the beautiful part here is that within this human tendency there is a great unifying force. And that force is that every single person you meet has a dark side, a side that is calling out for a rock bottom as fiercely as it can. A side that is testing and canoodling with conditions every chance it can. A side that is apt to make a mess of things, and often does. And, so just when we’re tempted to scold ourselves for our darkness and our shadow, we get to remember that we’re not alone and that nothing and no one who is truly honest with themselves and worth your time will leave you in that darkness. In fact, that sweet spot right there when brokenness meets brokenness is where real, authentic, lasting change can happen.
From that greeting, you get to be with the whole mess and you get an opportunity, although fleeting, to do the work you need to do to honor what the darkness lets us see in each other and in our own lives.
This is what MommaStrong is. MommaStrong is NOT me. MommaStrong is NOT my baby. MommaStrong is not MY dream. Most days, I am NOT MommaStrong. I show up to do my work here not because of fanfare or dreamy future fantasies or position or prestige, but simply because I’m called to do and because it helps me see the brightness. It helps me hang on. It is my work in the world, my skillset, my gifts bestowed to me of which I am required to serve and express. MommaStrong is my nod to the darkness in me and to the darkness in you. MommaStrong is a way out. There is a way out.
Having hit rock bottom myself, I can tell you right now that there is always a way out, no matter how much you've screwed up or how terrible of a human you feel or whatever behaviors you have inhabited. But, you have to be willing to find the way out. And if you’re waiting for a deeper rock bottom and the inevitable even deeper rock bottoms that get louder and louder until SLAM, you’ve got no other choices, then ok. Go for it. But, why? Why when you have a chance, why not find and use that way out. Isn’t it every single dying person’s wish that they had just listened to themselves sooner and done the things their heart knew they needed to do to be whole?
I could have had the grace to address my conditions much sooner than I did. My life would have been very different today if I had, although I’m not upset about how it all unfolded. Obviously, as Maya Angelou says, we can only do better when we know better. BUT, if we’re brutally honest with ourselves, I think we can all agree that we often ignore when we know better.
I think we ignore the knowing better because we don’t want to feel constricted and contained. And we confuse the guiding grace of knowing better with a bunch of big fat No-Nos and Don’ts and Limitations. That’s a reasonable assumption, right? Right. But, what if there’s another way? What if you can be dedicated to the cause of your unique “knowing better,” but still be easy about it? What if you can have comfort during growth? What if choices that you make to be respectful of your conditions actually equal freedom?
You can be dedicated and simultaneously easy about it all. You can show up for a huge revolution of your own life’s freedom and optimal health without having to stop living fully. And, you can certainly do it with me. I’ll never ever tell you to get over it. I’ll never tell you to buck up and shut up. I’ll never play tough love. I'll never ever judge you or condemn you or demonize you or fault you. I’m just not that person and not that sort of trainer. Instead, I will keep reminding you that I’m right there with you. And I’ll keep being as courageous as possible to do what I’m here to do despite my own road blocks and crappy decisions and stupid mistakes. And that’s what will change you in the end, not my tough love or MommaStrong’s strength strategies, but the reflection of your own courage in mine. The mirror image of your shadow in mine. And the ability to risk making a move despite all the crap you’ve experienced and all the mess you’ve caused. To love yourself even then. And to do the incredible work of being better as soon as you hear the whisper, not the thud.
There is a way out. Join me this November for a beautiful month of The Hook, wherein we’ll be pushing into huge growth while also engaging in extreme comfort.
To start the thing off, I’ll be drawing the name of one lucky new Hook-er as the winner of the Comfort Package. This will include a set of essential oils specifically targeted to the theme of each week of The Hook (expert Maureen Hodson will be your guide here!), a Manduka yoga mat that is probably the strongest thing ever made, and a pair of Wonderwoman socks to remind you that everyone needs a little ground support.
Sign up today and tell your friends. Help me do this thing. I don’t need to sell it to you. It’s $2 and it’s amazing. And you will find strength that matters in a format that meets you where you are.
See you soon, you big ol’ fellow fuck-up. ;)