Everyone Hates a Winner

Holy moly.  I’ve been doing these INCREDIBLE 10-minute consultations with our members, after recognizing that while Momma Strong is badass, it’s got areas needing some serious updating and development.  So, why not A) chat with the people who matter the most (aka, you) and B) get the legit info from people who know the most (aka, you).  And everyone across the board has the same questions and prompts for what Momma Strong is and what it does:  Namely, WHERE DO I START and HELP ME, I CAN’T FIT EVEN 15-MINUTES IN and WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME THAT I KEEP QUITTING?

Let’s get one thing straight first:  I absolutely dread, with about 80% of my heart and soul, chatting on the phone.  I don’t know what kind of genetic defect I carry in this arena, but it’s like, yeah.  Not my thing.  But, with this consult dealio, I wake up excited to talk to people, excited to gather info, and excited to help people get access/info to what I think is such an incredible avenue to the most vital of their life.  This is all to say, as a side note, when you’re doing YOUR work in the world, the normal dreads and normal icks of your life literally dissolve.  High five to that.

So, what I have to say today is short and sweet (shocker!).  The chats that I have had have really inspired me to remind all of us that we all struggle with the same things, yet we all think we’re the only truly defective one.  Before being a detective about what’s not working, we all blame ourselves to a degree that is often paralyzing.  We all are actually really lazy and we all need someone else to help us gain traction out of laziness and into positive change in our lives.  We all have histories and stories and we all have parts of ourselves that we wish we could carve out and ask for a refund.  We all give up.  We all stop forward momentum.  We all can’t find the time.  We all don’t know what we’re doing.  Yet, we’re all waking up every day, giving it yet another thrust, another go.  

And what I find most interesting these days is that the ushering in of social media and these odd online presences is that while we’re more exposed to each other’s lives, we’re also much more alone.  And we are feeling more and more like we’re the only ones with any defects.  Maybe it’s the facade we present in shiny square pictures or the witty statements we make that garner 100 likes, but we all are vastly less intimate with each other and with ourselves.  I’ll let the sociologists figure this one out, but while they do that, I have one challenge for us.  

Stop comparing.  Stop judging.  Yourself.  Others.  You know how it goes.  A friend posts something superbly positive about her life and while you’re thrilled for her, you also feel this weird alien of envy or irritation.  These days, everyone hates a winner.  Whether it’s a celebrity or a best friend or a family member, social media is begging us all to the do the very thing we are trying so hard in places like Momma Strong and in our souls to avoid:  Behaving so that we don’t upset the fold.  Keeping ourselves in the pocket of socially acceptable and successful, but not in a way that is threatening.  It’s asking us a lot of times to censor ourselves so that we can at once communicate and connect as we desperately want to in a human way, but then also not alienate us from the pack.  

I do it all the time.  A celebrity makes one misstep or one stupid comment and, boom, I’ve decided who they are.  I can read a gazillion op-ed pieces about them and iNod in judgmental agreement and then write them off entirely from my scope of approval.  I do the same with friends and those close to me - AND I’M THE LEAST JUDGY PERSON IN THE WORLD, BUT IT HAPPENS TO ME.  

So, I’d like to honor all the incredible women with whom I’ve been speaking and I’d like to use our chats as currency for the space to release ourselves from the constant temptation to decide, judge, compare, and opinionate (that’s clearly not a word, I know).  I’d like us all to find ways to be intimate, as I have been with these women, to check ourselves at the door when we’re feeling alienated for being a winner or when we’re judging others for being a winner.  I’d like us to remember that the main kernel of yummy truth is that we are all in this together and we are all trying so hard to just be a grown up in Life, which is also known as Friction.  We need some lubrication and some cushion for each other and ourselves. 

I support you in all your laziness, in all your confusion, in all your mushiness, and I also support you as you dare to be a winner in a world that wants company in misery so often.  I will cheer you on, I will remember that a snapshot is not your life or your being.  I will ask you questions that matter, even if I don’t say them out loud.  And I will give you the space of being in full embrace of the fact that while I know we’re very similar and very connected, I actually don’t know your whole story and, thus, I’ll listen rather than respond.  

YAY.  That was not as short and sweet as I thought.  I won’t apologize though.  Heh heh.  ;)