Underbelly

Aug 21, 2018

Dear MommaStrong,

As most lasting love stories go, I met you exactly when I needed you.  I wasn’t looking for you.  In fact, I had completely given up on fitness in general.  Because of my incredibly suffocating back pain and my invisible autoimmune diseases, it became clear to me that I ought to just give up.  I didn’t want to spend another penny on golden carrots dangled in front of me by well-meaning healers, doctors, and trainers.  So, right before I met you, I decided that that was that.  I was just going to quit.

What people around didn’t know is that along with quitting my job and quitting my healing, I wanted to quit life too.  And I spent much of my days planning how to do this in a way that no one would know was purposeful, so that my daughters wouldn’t have thatstory.  

This is what depression looks like.  This is how we suffer.

How could I tell anyone, though?  There was no hotline or resource...

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